Identity. Identity theft. Self-identity. Gender identity. Mistaken identity.
The reality or sense of truth about the nature, character or physical characteristics of a person.
Napoleon Hill was a widely-accepted motivational author and speaker whose book “Think and Grow Rich” was first published in 1937 and became foundational to much of the self-help movement that sprung out of the 1960s. Hill was known by his biographers as a man who invented himself and claimed several unsubstantiated accomplishments in his early years which could not be verified by fact. He experienced several business failures which sometimes ended with charges of fraud but he kept re-inventing himself and his credentials and in 1928 published his eight-volume The Law of Success which paved the way for a lifestyle in keeping with his sense of himself. Even though he divorced and remarried several times and had several failed businesses, he is best known for his quotes,
“Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”1
“You can be anything you want to be, if only you believe with sufficient conviction and act in accordance with your faith; for whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.” 2
The first is direct from Hill while the second is an application by one of the life coaches following Hill’s laws. Hill died in 1970 but his self-help philosophy became the mantra of generations seeking their own way. Dennis Kimbro became known for his restating of Hill with the catch-phase of the 1980s and beyond:
“You can be anything you want to be”
which is an abbreviation of Kimbro’s quote referencing success but which was taken as truth by following generations. Pop culture has a way of taking thoughts of of the original context and making them truth in all applications. Kimbro’s rephrasing of Hill was in the referenced context encouraging Blacks to take the opportunities afforded them in the late Twentieth Century and was repeated out-of-context to the thrill of a populace not willing to be honest about what effort it takes to accomplish.
While there is an element of truth in the phrase, there also are a series of stipulations that accompany. When it was applied to civics, not everyone in a generation can be President no matter how much “want to” they might have. Not everyone has the physical stamina to be an athlete or the intellectual capacity to be a physicist. I do not have the dexterity to to excel on the drums. While we may have the desire or the “want to” we must be honest that not all have the same physical or mental capabilities. This does not mean that ‘normal’ folks can’t be successful but it must be within their capabilities. It is fitting that education is available to all who have the drive to learn and are willing to spend the time and monies required to learn what is in their capabilities but it is disturbing to expect that all will have the same outcome, that capability and opportunity will be equally rewarding to all. There are only so many executives but most commerce rests upon the carrying capacity of the lower ranks.
I wanted to be a physician but after taking several higher level chemistry courses was pretty sure I would not fulfill that “want to” so I refocused. [aside: I also wanted a full head of hair but was unwilling to pay the cost of transplanting from other parts of my body]
I also wanted when I was a teenager to be old enough to date Miss America but when “old enough” came and went, that ‘anything’ was unfulfilled. I wanted to be a manager but found I had to be a box boy first. I wanted to marry someone I esteemed as perfect so my life would likewise be perfect and then with years I found that I needed to be myself and not rely on someone else to create perfection in my life. I wanted to be popular and accepted but discovered that those were shallow goals if I didn’t know myself and my capabilities first. Being best, knowing-est, supreme-est are all situational and have little to do with lasting identity because they are fleeting and temporary vapors. There will always be someone else ‘best’ if your measure is comparison. Your identity – and mine – cannot rest upon external measures, be given by others, not be true to who you really are.
I have known a lot of people who have been damaged by circumstances including relationships and then sought to elevate themselves above the brokenness by changing the external and not re-establishing how they see themselves in their heart. Whether leaving a marriage to get into a better marriage, whether idolizing another’s lifestyle and seeking to emulate their style as your own, thinking life would be better as a trans – that ‘they’ have it better and I could if I were one of them – life is full of brokenness unless we are true to the reality of ourselves.
Having spent endless hours in counseling myself and with others in the chaos of life, let me suggest Integrity. Integrity is living outwardly what you are inwardly. The sense of the word comes from the root ‘integer’ which is that which is a whole number, not fractionalized, fragmented, shattered, broken. Wholeness is not something which strives to be someone else but which seeks to honestly, truthfully, really express the true nature and not something idealized, to be sought to make us different. True integrity, wholeness, flows out of knowing ourselves and not what others want or need us to be. It has the sense of purpose that we are each unique, individual, rare, special and not a duplication of some other idol or ideal.
When we try to live as someone else, we are an identity thief. Guessing you never thought of that! When we live someone else’s dream of what we should be, we are an identity puppet being manipulated by someone we see as more whole that ourselves.
You can be exactly who you are but only if whole, with integrity, living real, living content.
1 Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude, Napoleon Hill
2 Think and Grow Rich: A Black Choice, Dennis Kimbro (certified Napoleon Hill trainer/coach)
